Of Mice and Minions
by ViLovesCaitlyn
Summary: Follow minion squad No.666 on their journey into the fascinating world of the rift. There will be antics, there will be mystery, there will be heart-break, there will be action, there will be comedy, and THERE WILL BE BLOOD! Rated T for language and violence but absolutely subject to change just for more intense violence, more language, and adult humor.
1. The Name's Viper

_**RANDOM QOUTE:**_

_**"YIPPY KYE-AY MUTHA FUCKER!"**_

* * *

The air of Summoner's Rift was stiff and silent, save for the unaturally ever-present breeze that gently rustled the foilage as it blew. The bugs didn't buzz, the clash of weapons didn't ring through the map, the water didn't rush, and most noticibly, to everyone's relief, the minions weren't arguing and having slap fights like usual. But, to the dismay of every living specimen present on the rift right now (including Baron Nashor), the minions would soon be leaving their cozy Nexus (the plural form of course...or would that be Nexi? Because Nexuses just doesn't sound right...) to go whine, get brutally slaughtered, and then respawn, whine some more, and then continue on in the vicious cirlce of minion life.

Now, as unsavory and annoying as it is to hear the minions complain, don't they have the right to? After all they live and die for no more than a champion getting a little gold and XP, they're whole exsistences is to be turret fodder and meat-shields for some snobby, pain-in-the-butt champion. What more do they live for? Nothing, they live for nothing more and that has how it has always been, and to the fool's eye, will always be. But that, my friends, is about to change...

The Red Nexus was composed of a stone base and a giant piece of menacingly red mineral that was kept hovering over it with magic. Now the type of magic that kept it afloat I am not sure of, but I do believe it is a type of summoning magic the corresponds with runes and all that 'stuff'.

Now the to the common eye, the Nexus seems like a completly filled in space, just a 'reactor' to focus mana and rune magics through, but that is not the case. Inside the mineral it's actually rather roomy, able to comfortably fit 72 minions in at once. Now one might wonder how a red crystal the size of garen is able to fit 72 minions in it at once, but here's the thing the crystal is not just a crystal or a mana reactor. No, it's the representation of a small dimensional chamber that the Summoners then channel their power through to 'unlock' it, and then boom, out come the minions.

Another thing one will most likely wonder, is, don't more than 72 minions compete in a match? Actually, no, it's the same minions, they die and respawn just like champions slightly leveling as they go. But they do not level in the way champions do, no, they level depending on time, getting a bit stronger each 3 minutes. Each lane has at least 1 wave start out in it, and each wave has at least 6 minions in it, adding a seige to each wave every once in a while, then add a super minion if an inhibitor is destroyed, add some back up minions that didn't get killed off, and ba-boom you hit around 72 individual minions out in the field per match. Don't question genius. (Bare with me here.)

The air was filled with nervous whispers and cocky statements as the new recruits awaited placement onto their first ever minion platoons. Some were fidgeting, some were frolicking, but all were waiting in anticipation (and for some, dread) to see which squad they were to be placed on. All was interupted as a tall, bulky minion arrived in front of the mass of recruits. He was a red melee minion. But not just any ordinary melee minion. No, he was the Overlord (actually general, but don't tell him that...) of Red Minion Army. His presence demanded respect even from champions, his glare could wither the soul of Vilemaw (which not even's Nasus' w could do), his voice could shake mountains, and, most outstandingly, his stench could make even the likes of twitch clear the room (fighting could really make one work up a sweat and leave little room for hygeine.) But there the recruits were, shaking nervously in his presence, doing there best not to past out from his B.O, even the prideful had lost all self-courage. This was it, this was the deciding moment.

"Attention!" His voice boomed.

Every hair on every minion's body stood up due to the utter bitterness and heartlessness those words were stated in.

"Listen up, you good for nothing _scum_," venom dripped from each word in the sentence, "You're here because you qualified to be let into _my_ prestigous army, _my _life, and _my _only purpose in life. So if you think making it this far is going to _cut it_, you might as well run out of this door this moment and _NEVER_ come back."

There was a pause while the menacing midget surveyed the room for giver-uppers.

'_No one has left yet...hmmm...I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing...' _the general-erm, I mean Overlord-thought to himself.

"If you are to be in my army, you cannot fear death. You cannot fear pain. You cannot fear the always-present chance of having your guts splattered across the grass, or your skull cracked in half and brain slurped out like a coconut, or being ripped apart one by one. Only the weak fear. And my the Red Army has no room for the weak, only the strong. For only the weak survive on the Fields of Justice! The strong die for their comrades! The strong die for their champions! For life has no meaning value on the rift, only death matters, and destruction will prevail."

Each recruit stood up straight now, as if they were afraid that one flaw in their posture would cause the universe to shatter like glass.

Silence rung through the Nexus, dripping with hate and hostility, the tension daring someone to speak.

"Now, that I have made myself clear, I shall announce what squads each of you lousy rats will be going on."

"For Squad No.213, the followng minions have been assigned: Bob, Bobita, Bobb, Rob-Bob, Bobby, Boberto, Bob-Bob, Bo-Bob, Bobby-Bob, Bo-Bobby, Rob, Bobby-Bobby, Bob-bo, Bob-Bobby, Bob-o-Fett, Robert, Billy-Bob, Billy-Bob-Joe, Bob the II, PlumBob, Fat Bob, B.O.B, and...Jeff."

The Overlord sighed deeply in disgust and went back to reading his list.

"Now for Squad No.13: Blue, Straw, Star, Black, Cran, Rass, Blue Rass...REALLLY? MINION NAMES? HOW ARE THEY GROUPING YOU PATHETIC GNATS THESE DAYS? BY HOW SIMILAR OR HOW HUMOROUSLY YOUR NAMES CORRESPOND? THIS IS NONSENSE! *Deep, deep, venoumous sigh of disgust* Okay, every minion that has a prefix for a berry as their name, you are on Squad 13."

The Overlord gritted his teeth and went back to his list.

"And lastly, for Squad No.666: Shrek, Pepo, Bobert, Vicky-"

"IT'S VIPER!" Interupted the a forced-deep voice that had the slighest hint of femininty.

The Overlord's right eye twitched out of frustration as he scanned the crowd for the annoying pest that interupted him. He found his victim. A small minion that was about half the height of the others.

"It says _Vicky _you worm, therefore, _your name is Vicky._" He responded with so much venom that even a King Cobra would say, 'Wow, that's poisonous!'

"Well I'm saying it's _Viper_." The last word ending with an extra amout of rebellion in her tone.

"_Vicky."_

_"Viper."_

_"Vicky." _

_"Viper."_

_"Viper."_

_"Vicky-_HUH WAIT! I MEANT-"

Before Vicky/Viper could say anything else, a book, labeled, _**Minion'ing for Dummies**_, hit the unknown gender on the back of head, knocking her/him out cold.

The Overlord gave a smirk to the tall minion that threw the book at Vicky/Viper.

'_I am going to like that book-throwing minion...' _The Overlord thought to himself.

"Continuing on: Taco, Rambo, Cyk, Cyc, Conch, Fiji, Ripper, Big Red, Stitches, Rafiki, Beetle, Sven, Cheese Queso, Dibbs, Tea Time, Strike, Neff, Fun Size, Crystal Meth, and Rick-Shaw."

"Who the hell names you midgets? Well whoever they are, they deserve to be hunted down, then brutally killed in the most _cruelest_ of fashions, so that even the Master of Metal _would _be unnerved simply by viewing the victim's corpse."

The Overlord of the Red Minions took a pause to viewed the fresh meat.

"You will find your uniforms in your assigned locker that you have recieved the combination for already, each uniform has the squad number of the owner's squad on it, you have 10 minutes to get in uniform. At ease."

_**N/A**_

_**So it's not very humorous now, I know, but soon it will be, but I just wanted to get everything established, and just so you know why I named the main characters' squad No.666 was because it was also Team Badger which reminded me of the Badger Teemo skin which reminded me that Teemo is Satan and has to die a horrible gruesome death. As for the other squad numbers 213 is the area code for down-town LA (nicknamed the City of Sin for obvious reasons) and 13 is from Friday the 13th. I decided they should all have bad/unlucky squad numbers. On the LA one I don't really think LA is bad or anything, but the area code for Alcatraz Island wasn't really a thing, soo... I just got lazy and decided to do LA's area code for the heck of it. Yes there are probably typos but I will be lazy and fix them tommorow. Enjoy XD. And any suggestions for minion antics would be appreciated although I can not promise I will use them because some ideas are just not good. No offense. Alot of my ideas are not good so I am not just singling people out. If you liked it please review it would encourage to write more. And if you hated, go ahead and review as well. BTW, most likely, if I don't use your idea(s) it's because I am having trouble finding out how to write it at the time because I am a noob author. And yes I took Vicky from a certain Youtube video I watched at 2:00 AM for the heck of it.**_


	2. As Long As We're Clear On You Sucking It

_**RANDOM QOUTE:**_

_**"I view consent as an optional side goal."**_

* * *

The minions exited their Nexus one by one, a total of 21 minions coming out at once grouping up into squads of 7 and going to each lane. Squad No. 213 went top, Squad No. 13 went mid, and Squad No. 666 went bot. How ironic, since bottom lane is hell. (This is why I main top XD, always thinking, because bot is a total rape lane...so I go Leona, Pan, Vi, Galieo, Aatrox, Renekton or Shyv top, I actually play most of my champions, ranged or not, on top, not that you care.)

* * *

A giant melee minion led the group of Squad No. 666 to bot lane, while a small caster minion trailed at the back.

The air was silent save for the footsteps of the minions rhythmically hitting the ground and the wind rustling the leaves of the jungle. Well, until one minion got sick of the silence.

"SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Who you think our champs are?" Questioned, to no one in particular, a short little caster.

"..." Replied the minion who had knocked Viper out with a book.

"Suck it." Chimed in Vicky/Viper.

"Uh...okay?" Said the short little Caster

"As long as we are clear on you sucking it, then damn straight it's okay." Continued Viper.

"Idiots," an average sized castor minion muttered, "It's most likely an adc and a support."

"No shit dude. _**No. Freaking. Shit.**_" Replied an averaged sized melee.

"And, basing it on the fact that this is a beginner battle, so we are probably stuck with noob summoners, therefore they probably have no Influence Points in the league, which forces them to choose from the free champions. The meta support choices for this week are Morganna, Soraka, and Veigar. The meta ADC choices are Kog'Maw, Varus, and Draven."

"So like, all guys for ADC? What is this? Some freaking sausage fest?" Asked the smallest caster at the back.

"Well there are two girl supports." Replied Vicky. UGHH! I MEAN VIPER!

"But dude, one has a _unicorn horn and goat hooves_." The the left head of a two-headed melee reminded.

"I am seeing only green lights here." the average sized caster piped in.

"But the other has wings. _AND ELF EARS!_"

"...So a yellow light...but...still not a red one..." The Caster minion shot back with a malevolent smirk."

**"WELL EITHER WAY, WITH OUR LUCK, IT WILL BE ALL FREAKING DUDES, AND THAT IS SOMETHING I CAN NOT DEAL WITH!" **Yelled the average-sized caster that predicted the champion picks for bot lane, his left eye twitching.

* * *

"Oh hey look it's Ahri!" Yelled the average sized melee

"Say what?" The short caster responded almost squeaking the words out in a high-pitched mouse voice from sheer excitement.

"YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! RAISE THE ROOF! WHAT-WHAT!." Yelled the small caster in the back.

"Awesome. Her orb and foxfire will be good for diving and finishing off kills while her charm will be good for securing them...plus she's hot." The average sized caster mumbled to himself taking mental notes here and there.

"FUCK YEAH! SHE'S GONNA WANNA GET WITH THIS!" Screeched the right head of the two-headed melee. "Yeah right." Remarked the left head in his slightly 'poofish' tone.

"..." The minion that knocked out Viper silently, emotionlessy just stared at Ahri and then decided to leave the line to go give her his digits.

"Meh." Viper responded, scratching his/her head.

"MEH? MEH? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY BITCH?" Replied all the casters and those 2 melee (not the book throwing one) in unnatural unison that could only be brought on by the insulting of the love of their lives.

"Suck it."

"Suck what? I doubt anything's down there."

"Suck. My. Dust." Viper finished with an obscene gesture that required use of the middle finger.

"SHUTUP! THE ENEMY IS APPROACHING! LOOK ALIVE CREW!"

6 of the 7 minions readied their weapons.

* * *

"OMG THIS IS GONNA BE SUUUUUUPER FUN! I CAN'T WAIT TO ST-"

The small caster flew back as a wand was thrown, hitting the minion square in the head, leaving a giant red bump in it's place.

"OW WHO THE IN THEIR FREAKING RIGHT MIND TARGETS THE CASTER AT THE BACK? YOU KNOW WHAT? BRING IT ON BITCH!"

Ahri quirked an eyebrow at the small minion that had been thrown back.

"STFU SCRUB!" Yelled the entirety of the opposing blue squad.

Ahri found the minion that had thrown the wand (he wasn't that hard to find, just look for the caster that wasn't holding a wand) and shot him once with her basic attack and then hit him once with her orb, deleting him from the map.

Meanwhile during all of this, the caster minion that had been at the back managed to get his foot caught in a yordle snap trap. The only strange thing about this (well obviously what type of Caitlyn gets snap trap first, I mean right? AND I HAVE NEVER EVEN PLAYED HER BEFORE BUT I THINK IT'S JUST COMMON SENSE!) was that Caitlyn was on neither the enemies team, nor his team.

"Freaking traps...freaking yummy cupcakes..." The trapped minion muttered to himself as he tried with all his might to pry open the trap. But to no avail. Caster minions were, by nature, weakly muscled. All of a sudden delicate, carefully-pedicured hands were prying open the trap with nothing more than a little struggle. They then picked up the caster minion and sat him aside.

"A-uh-ah-wuhh-uh-uhbluh..ga...blah...hiii...fuuushhh...wuuuuth..." The minion continued babbling on inaudibly, elicting giggles from Ahri.

"Those aren't the only _cupcakes _worth pursuit, you know?" Ahri smirked devilishly. Of course. She was only toying with him.

But the minion either didn't care, or didn't notice, he was still dumb-struck to be noticed by Ahri. To have her warm skin touch his rough cloak and armor. Ahri the just-now-decided love of his life, touched _him. _

She bent down and whispered, her breath tickling his face, "Good luck."

Ahri, feeling she had her full share of fun with the poor little minion, sent him on his way by gently t pushing him forward, back into the massacare of the meat-shields.

"INTO THE FRAY!" He roared his battle cry as he picked up his oak wand garnished with a crystal and lept into the battle. He decided to go bat-shit crazy and use his wand as a sword after firing a few pot-shot blasts into the crowd. The first two minions died that match. The small caster that was touched by ahri, and the average two-headed minion her were to busy slapping each other that they didn't know notice the small caster in love with Ahri barreling towards them, which caused all 3 (2?) of them to be knocked into the turret.

* * *

"WHY DO WE HAVE ONLY THREE MELEE? WTF?"

"IKR! Like only one of us melee died, right?"

The average sized caster started surveying the area for the melee minion, all the while he continued firing absent-minded pot-shots of magic energy into the crowd of opposing forces. He stopped as he found the absent missing melee. It was Viper. Leaning against the turret with his/her sunglasses on, which is strange because minions don't have facial features to keep any sort of glasses on. Red Team minions are look like roughly-sewn, burlap dolls that look like they came out of that Tim Burton movie, **9**. While blue minions look like colorless, blank golems of undried/unbaked clay.

"VIPER! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING! GET BACK IN THE FIGHT THIS INSTANCE."

Viper lowered her sunglasses and rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry-well actually no I'm not-but I don't do any _physical exertion _without my _trainer_ present," she replied in voice that said, fuck-off, "and from what I can _see_, my trainer is _**not,**_ at the time, _**pres-ent**_. So suck it."

"THAT'S GREAT JUST FREAKING GREAT! A WORTHLESS, LAZY MELEE THAT DOES NOTHING! WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE HERE!"

The book throwing melee minion continued to take down minion after minion with little-to-no effort put in to his actions. Knocking the head off of two with just his fists, chopping the arm of one with the mere swipe of his battle axe, drop-kicking two at the same time by jumping up into the air and so on.

"Then you know what we must do bruvah?"

"I am afraid I do bruvah!"

"KISS AHRI!"

"No...kill ourselves to make sure the enemies don't get the farm."

"What are you smoking?"

"The good stuff. But that doesn't matter, we have to do it, we have to, because if they get ahead on farm, they'll kill our beautiful Ahri, we can't let that happen bruvah. We must do what is best for the team. And for Ahri."

"Very well, yo you, smart caster, get over here!"

The average sized caster cautiously approached the two after helping slaughter a group of enemy minions with the book-throwing, bad-ass minion.

"Yeah g-WTF?"

The short (but not the small, stupid one) and the average-sized melee shot and stabbed the average-sized caster.

He slid off the blade of the melee, blood spewing everywhere as he did, leaving the blade coated in a dark crimson.

"Why...w-why? Why did...you...k-kill your own."

"Do not worry bruvah for your death was not in _'vayne' _it was merely to deny them farm! BE PROUD! YOU HAVE SERVED WELL! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU HAVE SERVED AHRI THE BEAUTIFUL!"

"WTF IS WRONG YOU BITCH? YOU SOUND LIKE YOU JUST CAME OUT OF WAR HAMMER! WHAT'S YOUR NAME SO I CAN REPORT YOU?"

"The name is Crystal Meth. What is yours my bruvah?"

"Oh so that's what you smoke, Crys?"

"Yus, duh."

"My-y...n-ame *pained breath* is-"

"HEY DUDE LOOK ANOTHER MINION WAVE, AND THEY HAVE MELEE!, AND SEIGE!"

"Ohhh...guess no one has to die now...erm...uhhh...forgive me? Come on, merely a flesh wound, right? Hardly not your Bayne-Blade"

Blood slowly slithered from the the average sized caster's lips as he mouthed his dying words, "Fuck you," and then his last bit of life slipped away from him.

"I GUESS HE WAS PINNED THERE BRUVAH? HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH! RIGHT? Uh...right? Too early?"

_**TO BE CONTINUED!**_

_**N/A**_

_**So, not as comical yet, still, but bare with me stuff is just getting started. And if you like please review. XD. What will happen next? What new squad members of squad No. 666 will me meet? Stay tuned for the next chapter...well..I dunno the name yet, I just kinda right as I go :b.**_


	3. I SENSE THY BAYNE-BLADE, BRUVAH!

**_Random Quote:_**

**_"I was never molested as a child, and frankly, I'm a little offended. Wasn't I pretty enough"_**

* * *

Crystal Meth stared at the dead body of the average sized caster minion and sighed.

"And do you know what the worst part of this is?" Crystal Meth grumbled as he turned to face the short caster who he had dubbed as his 'bruvah'.

"Well-"

"I didn't even get to learn his name," interupted Crystal Meth, answering his own question, "So we must find out his name! We must go on a quest for his name, my bruvah!"

"OR, we could just wait for him to respawn and come back to our lane…" offered the short caster.

"Yes, exactly, what I was thinking, we go on a dangerous trek through the jungle to seek knowledge from the Lizard Elder! He will then tell us what his name is! HUEHUEHUEHUE!"

"Uhhhh….okay…." The short caster trailed off, confused by all of the nonsense coming out of Crystal's mouth.

"We shall find his name and avenge him by killing his murderer!" Crystal meth bellowed in a very heroic voice as he pumped his sword in the air twice and hefted his shield.

"But you are his murderer…" The caster reminded the melee.

"Exactly! That is why we must frame Brolaf and then go kill him!" Explained Crystal Meth, turning towards the jungle. He stopped in his tracks and asked, "Bruvah! What art' thou name?"

"Sven," replied Crystal Meth's 'bruvah' after taking a moment to consider how much he would regret letting Crys know his name. After all, the melee didn't seem that mentally stable, what if he was a crazy stalker? Would Sven soon be the Soraka to Meth's Warwick?

"Very well, Sven. What say you?" The delusional minion asked his newly acquired friend in an all too righteous tone.

"Come again?" Sven questioned, quirking an eyebrow in confusion. Not that anyone could see his eyebrow, if it even existed….

"Will you join me on my quest or not bruvah?" Crystal Meth simplified in a regal tone, noticing the Sven's confusion. But, obviously, he could only sense that Sven was puzzled due to the short caster's tone, not because of his possibly-non-existent eyebrow that was not even noticble due to his hood shadowing it in darkness.

"Hmmmm…well….what could go wrong?"

"EXCELLENT! LET US BE OFF, MY BRUVAH!" Crystal Meth proclaimed triumphantly to have persuaded his bruvah into helping him as he grabbed Sven by the arm and dragged him off into the jungle with him.

* * *

Viper was slumped up against the turret asleep. Drool leaked out of its open mouth as it snored and mumbled something or another about 'sucking dust' incoherently. Viper, luckily for him/her (although we all know it's a her…), was oblivious to the brutal, gorey minion-slaughter that was going on a mere 30 feet away from her/him. Well….at least until a small enemy melee last hit the turret, causing it to crumble and chunks of rock to rain down around her. Actually, she was still sound asleep during and after this, even so when two opposing casters dragged her into the nearest bush.

The blue casters eyed her suspiciously as she continued to mumble random 'suck it's' as she slumbered.

"The specimen seems to use the phrase, 'suck it', quite often, hmmm?" The taller of the two casters muttered as he jotted something down on a note pad that he had produced out of no-where, quite like a Nid spear.

"Hmm…yes I would have to concur." The other one, as he already said, concurred, "Shall we take the specimen back to our lab for further research?"

"Yes, yes we should."

"Then grab a limb." The shorter one said as he grabbed Viper's leg and began to pull, her back scraping against the ground.

Shortly after the commands were uttered the taller caster grabbed the other leg and helped pull her back to the Lab.

* * *

"Bruvah!" Yelled Crystal sharply, putting his arm out in front of Sven to signal him to stop.

"Yes bruvah?" Sven asked, deciding to give in to the madness and humor Crystal Meth.

"I sense a Bayne-Blade near by."

"A what?"

"A Bayne-Blade, bruvah! Our weakness! Like Katarina to Renekton!"

Sven's eyes grew wide in realization.

"D-do you mean she's here?" Sven managed to stutter out.

"Bruvah…I am afraid I do mean such things."

"But…the tea parties…they…they can't be aloud to happen…they hurt..so much bruvah..so much!" Sven burst out into tears of fear, rambling like a mad man in between sobs.

The melee, Crystal Meth, took a step forward holding his sword out in front of him, throwing his shield aside, and entering the stance of fiora before a duel, "Try me!"

Sven stopped crying as he stared up at his bruvah. Annie fodder. Tea parties. Tibbers.

'No, he is my bruvah, whether I like it or not, and I can not allow him to face thy Bayne-Blade alone!' Sven thought to himself before he ran up beside his comrade and assumed the pose of Garen taunting someone, "Show your face, Dark Child!"

"So you wanna play too?" Giggled a demonic-cherub voice that was soon followed by a giant shadow bear appearing before the two minions.

The pair staired into the flaming eyes of death.

But the bear wasn't the problem. No, the girl was. The very same little girl wearing a bear-eared headband that was skipping towards them with an envelope in hand.

"You wanna come to my tea party?" The red-headed girl asked with an innocent smile as she handed an envelope to Sven.

"Be careful how you handle this, bruvah." Crystal whispered into the caster's ear.

"Uh...well see we're kinda busy and all wi-"

Crystal Meth just barely blocked a blast of fire shot at them from Annie's hand with her shield.

"That's what everyone says! They're all always so busy! No one ever plays with me…ever…." The rage in her eyes subsided as a deep, unspeakable sorrow took it's place.

Crystal was a softy at heart, and the sight of a child, even if she was the spawn of Satan, jerked at his heart strings until he just couldn't take it.

"Stop your crying then Dark Child! And join me and this one as our bruvah! Aid us in our quest and I assure you will feel lonely no longer!"

"What if I get hurt?"

" I give you my word, as your bruvah, that I will let not even a scratch grace your flesh, little one," he stabbed his sword into the ground and bowed his head down, lowering himself to kneel on his right knee.

A smile of joy, not her usual wicked one, grew on Annie's lips, "OH THANKYOU!"

"Now, let's go play!" She finished with a manical giggle as a flame grew on her hand, skipping off, forcing both minions and Tibber to run off after her.

* * *

To be continued….


	4. GANGA ES NUMERO UNO HUEHUEHUE

_**Random Quote:**_

_**"I swear to God, when I evolve, I am going to kill you all"**_  
_**-Magikarp**_

* * *

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?" Yelled an average-sized melee minion, pointing at the 'thing.'

"I DON'T KNOW!" Yelled the red seige minion, squinting its eyes in an effort to try and see the 'thing' better.

"HOLY FREAKING SHIT! ARE WE ALOUD TO RUN?" Screamed a short caster, it's eyes gleaming in terror.

"OMFG STFU N00BS. It's a taco duh." Answered another caster, not even bothering to look up at the subject of interest.

"WTF ARE U BLIND? IT'S NOT A DAMN TACO DUMB ASS!" Replied the short caster.

"Then what is it?" The caster that had dubbed it a taco replied, hints of disinterest and challenge swirling together within in its tone.

"It's a spider."

"LEL GG WE LOOSE, DUMBASS N00BZ! Too fking big to be a spider, like your mom's dick."

"SHUTUP. OMFG. HERE IT COMES! ITS GETTING CLOSER EEK!-"

"Nub, ya gonna get raped while you scream like a bitch." The trollolol, flaming caster pulled the shorter caster back closer to the turret, away from the taco/spider.

"YO YOU! SEIGE, MELEE DUDE! GET YOUR SORRY ASSES OVER HERE," The taller of the two casters hollered, as he pointed at the two other minions.

The melee and seige made their way over to the turret that the two others were standing at.

"Yah? Whatcha want?" Asked the seige as he fiddled with the controls of his seige vehicle.

"Did you find out what that thing was while I was dealing with short-stack's bitch fit?"

"Yah." The melee answered before the seige could.

There were a few moments of silence.

"Well then, what was it? COME ON MAN, SPILL!" Piped in the small caster, becoming annoyed with the slow pace of the conversation.

"…It was a spider."

"Haha, told ya!"

"Shutup bitch."

"But," began the seige minion, "it wasn't just a spider. It was….*cringe* Elise *lightning strike, thunder*."

"Bitch don't kid with me. That shit ain't funny."

"I swear, I'm not kidding."

The melee minion nodded in agreement.

"FUCK. NOT ELISE. THAT BITCH BE CRAZY."

"I heard she ate baron."

"I heard she whored her self out to Vilemaw for her powers and stuff."

"I heard she bitch-slapped Shyvanna."

"Yup, like I said, that bitch be crazy."

The taller caster sauntered away from the group and towards the jungle, a disinterested look on his face.

"Yo, bitch, where you going?"

"To smoke a joint." An uncharacteristic smile growing on his (non-exsistent?) face, "….wanna join me?"

"Sure."

"Ofc."

"Mom warned me about this shit! Never!"

"Did she warn you about how she was gonna rape you with her big dick, short-stack?"

"Fine, stay here and get eaten alive by that spider-screwing, sadistic, crazy-ass bitch." The flamey caster replied as the 3 of them trudged into the jungle.

'Short-stack' pondered for a moment before realisation dawned on him and he ran after the others, into the jungle.

The short caster caught up with the others quickly, they had stopped at the bushes of the red buff.

The three minions were sitting on the ground, the melee standing close to a tree, his face awfully close to the trunk, as he whispered(?) to it and stroked it every now and then. The seige was hunched over the control panel of his vehicle, hicupping and burping as he muttered something that sounded an awfully lot like "OG Kush..es numero uno...*hiccup*…huehuehue." And the tall caster was leaning up against a boulder, his legs crossed.

The short caster approached the taller one.

"Yo short stuff you changed your mind, ey?" Replied the other caster (flamey one) as he lit a joint, then handed one to the short minion that he oh-so-loved to harass.

Short stack looked at it hesitantly before he slowly reached out his hand and pinched it between his pointer finger and thumb, holding it up in the air in front of his face, insepcting it.

He lifted it to his mouth, uttering one last semi-sane thing, "Well, here goes nothi-"

"Yo bitch, what's your name?" The taller caster interrupted.

"Fun-Size."

"*Snickers* Life's a bitch ain't it? Well ma name is Strike. Tree-hugger over dere's name is Fiji, and the one speaking mexican is RickShaw."

**30 minutes later at 'Dope Camp'…**.

* * *

"WOO-HOOOOOOOOO SHAKE IT RICK! SHAKE THAT THING BITCH!" Yelled Fiji as RickShaw pole danced using a Nid spear he found no where in particular.

"HAHA I WONDER WHERE THAT BITCH, ELISE, IS NOW. HEHEHE." Boomed (for no reason in particular) Strike as he sprayed Whip cream out of a can into the hand of a passed out Fun-Size. How the yelling didn't wake the light-sleeper up is a mystery.

"YA DON'T HAVE TO BE JAMAICAN TO SMOKE GANGA!" Yelled Strike has he produced a feather out of thin air.

"GANGA ES NUMERO UNO HUEHUEHE." Added Rickshaw as he continued to pole dance.

All of a sudden Kassadin appeared out of no-where, a split second of ominously purple light the only warning. As Strike opened his mouth to say a string of profanity, Kassadin grabbed the feather and disappeared, followed by a flash of purple.

"DAFUQ WUZ DAT?" Screamed a freaked out Strike, this time waking up Fun-Size.

"WAZ IT JESUS?" Asked Fiji, petting his tree.

"NO, why wud Jesus want a feather, bish?" Answered Strike in an exasperated yet slurred voice.

"WAZ IT SATAN?" Questioned Fiji once more.

"NO, SATAN WEN' TOP TO SCREW UP GAREN WITH 'IZ SHROOMS!" Replied Strike, now screaming to hear himself over the unicorns talking behind him.

"THEN WUT WAZ IT?"

"It was a Wiven."

"No, Wiven's are albinoes." Piped in a yawning Fun-Size.

"Then it was a dude who came to take our stash." Stated Strike.

"HUEHUEHUE STASH ES NUMERO UNO." Yelled RickShaw who was poking red with a stick over and over again.

"EXACTLY BISH WAS TRYIN' 2 TAKE OURZ STASHHHH! HE MUST DIE!"

"YEAH LETS GO RAPE THAT BITCH!"

"RAPE ES NUMERO UNO HUEHUEHUE."

"Consent is an optional side goal. Bauhauhahahuhauhahuhahuhau!"

"Shorty, you a creepy lil bish."

"I know."

_**To be continued…..**_

* * *

_**N/A:**_

_**R&R plz and remember…**_

_**MAGIKARP ES NUMERO UNO HUEHUEHUE**_.


End file.
